Ali Marsman

Book I: Sporadic Memories

 

     It has been so long since the last moment I held you in my arms, and the sweet smell of your sandalwood caressed the motion of my desire.

 

I always admired

the gracefulness

of your diligence,

the knowledge of

your intelligence,

the caress of your Soul;

the height of your intellect,

and the warmth from your glow.

 

     I found it so difficult to look into your eyes even as the years went by; when our eyes met one another’s, we would always send sparks to the groins of one another. Oh baby! I found it so difficult looking into your eyes even as the years went by.

 

     It was simply wonderful how the soft moans of our love for one another, would soothe the uncertainty of the dreamlike flight we took each other through, in the absolute knowing of ecstasy.

 

Remembering our first kiss …

when we realized the height of our bliss,

we kissed so lightly,                                                               

French kissed each other slightly,

our Souls caressed just nicely …

remembering our first kiss always excited the spot where we first knew we were in love.

​

    There were parallel fireworks that night! The cottage was done up beautifully; candles lit, flowers all over the floor, the bed. The fireplace roared; the ocean fierce against the rocks, and the soft circles of our love danced the fire more; the fierceness of the ocean caused our bodies to pour, and there were parallel fireworks that night.

   

    We always accepted the knowledge of what our Souls have acquired through the days; arose each other to a place where others longed to be, which opened our Spirit to a feeling never embodied before; caused our wings to be exposed; caused our hearts to soar … how we desired more! We always accepted each other, which caused our greatness to show.

 

    I have incredible memories of our dates, and how we would bring presents to one another like candles and sweet grass. It was a perfect Summer's evening. We arrived at the beach just as the colors in the sky were changing; setting the mood peacefully. We had a picnic as we watched the Sunset, and the stars emerged to light our mood delightful. We confessed how we were both very much in love … you gave me one of two bracelets you made, and we placed them on the opposite wrists of one another. Hands connected, bracelets touching; we both knew in the same instant we found what we desired for so long, and from that moment onward … we always had our bracelets brushing.

 

We accepted one another

as our hearts so desired,

admired the hesitation

of our chills, and fires;

opened ourselves up completely

not at all afraid,

we were acutely impassioned;

in awe for our days.

 

    Memories of you come up sporadically throughout the days, not having one another, holding one another, helping one another feel at ease. I dream so often of us lying in bed whispering the details of our growth of love; combined with strokes of passion on each other …

 

I dream so often

the comfort of your

entirety,

the ways in which

you revealed you to me,

how every ounce of pain

was healed Spiritually,

the gracefulness

of our passages

involved each other's energies,

our body, mind, and Spirit

interlocked wonderfully,

simply appropriated to each other

faithfully.

 

    Now not in a moment, with a simple gaze into each other's eyes; rather, it was a courtship which stimulated over time, like the harmony that is inspired in an established bottle of wine.

 

We treated one another with sensitivity,

showered one another with sweet details of speech,

excited and eager to learn, to teach;

gave comfort through simplicity in our laughter,

and the obliviousness of time;

I could rely on your exuberance,

as you were confident in mine;

our eyes so deep

therefore, we both could see,

the deepness that lay

within our eternity,

the wind caught my breath

as we roamed the ground

barefoot and exposed,

hands placed on the heart …

pressing firmly on the chest …

helping each other rest …

soothing the tenderness

of the day’s long journey,

assuring our love

through this path,

provoking one's most passionate desires;

removing one's biggest fears,

embracing one another,

love that is absolute,

holding our bodies as one,

assuring our love,

Spirits willing,

assuring our love,

it has been so long since those last moments.

 

    It has been so long since I tasted the sweetness of your hot apple cider as we sat comfortably in front of the fire in a blanket I made for us. I go back often to the days we would massage the weekends away, taking care in appeasing one another, while dripping in crystalline sparkle; unaware of the day. With the rotation of mending in our palms we would release the wounds, and celebrate through song … I can still feel the palms of you now freeing the throes of our journey without you.

 

 

    Under the apple tree we planted many years ago, the heat of our creativity flourished its growth. We painted one another under its shield, with the background, the flowers of our field. With the healing power of nature as its trim, we embrace the seductiveness in the Jasmine. We pick some carefully; place them in a heart around, the outline for our creative ground. My body the center is exposed; you create the passionate side of our fate. Your body exposed, and I am inspired, creating your fiery heart I desire. Fires, fires, burning fires, we always kept the fires burning, with moans, and groans, and subtle tones, the fires always burned in and around our home.

 

    We would hang our paintings on the wall of our bedroom to be reminded of the passion inspired, 'Under the Apple Tree' title one, title two, 'Our Burning Desire'. As the days rolled by love continued to unfold, with swift movements, and the charming demonstration of what lay in advance, showing off for one another at every chance, submissiveness, and influence with captivating dance. Music soft, our love is close as we move together, feeling the beats of our hearts, the firmness of our embrace, the dancing of our groins, breathing together, soft music; we always enjoyed the evenings after,

'Our Burning Desire Under the Apple Tree’.

 

I have been so sad since I lost you, my tears I cannot suppress, the warmth of you at night is gone, and therefore, I cannot rest. The pacification I felt as you untroubled me against you … I miss …

my head on your shoulder.

My hand on your back.

Your head on my pillow.

Your hand rubbing my back

whispering love before sleep,

so pleasant dreams we would keep;

awakening every single morning feeling aglow, with a rise of knowing in our Souls.

 

    I have been lost without the love I received from the tips of your fingers running across my body excitedly.  You knew my body well. Circles around my neck, shiver aloud, gliding down my spine, rise up, shivers aloud, and moan …

loving me so easily,

kissing always passionately,

pleased consistently with generosity,

making love a specialty,

with your strong sense of being,

you exemplified true meaning,

softly … slowly, always soft, and slow,

gently caressed me,

gradually undressed me,

thoroughly explored me,

my mind always ecstasy,

swell and burst,

over and over ...

my mind tasting ecstasy,

while exploring your body,

held you oh,

so close to me,

kissed you softly and slowly,

peaking with synchronicity.

   

    Shoulders influenced by passion in hammers striking strings, you lured me closer each time with the harmony you would bring. The keys played so beautifully, my, you played well! When the piano you would sound, my heart swelled. I loved to hear the music softly, I loved hearing it boom, notes chasing one another in every single room. Your voice; the ways you would sing to me, I miss you dedicating me songs ...

 

`To show my love for you,

and to thank you for all you do,

for lifting my Spirits high,

to prove how much you mean to me,

for the entire world to see,

I would write a message through the sky,

for the entire world to see,

just what you mean to me,

to show happiness you bring,

this is the song I sing.'

 

   

 

I long for one more Sunday under the waterfall with bare feet, drumming and moving to the beats of hands blending on skin. Our hearts opened with every boom, chanted for our love that which opened up our higher heart, and accessed the greatest kind of love … 'AH, AH, AH, AH, AH, AH, AH' over and over and over and over and over and over.  Touching the energy of one another, leaning against one another, love like a blanket we enjoyed it like that! Kept us with warmth, and security in the dark; kept warm in love in darkness under the waterfall, illuminated only by the glow from the candles and the sweet grass, the sparkle from Sun. Drumming, chanting to the beats of the drum on Sunday.

 

    It is symbiotic; (rather it must have been … fate) we were a valuable connection from the beginning. Our energies collided, our Souls embraced, giving us the same in love feelings of the heart. We lived for the moment, every occasion spent to grow, we embraced the dedication in nurturing each Soul. All love mutual, flowed naturally, together in love, you and me.  Today is Sunday, and you drum with me in Spirit, and your chants still blend with mine under the waterfall.

 

   

My heart was lonely as I roamed the grounds of where the exhibition was held so long ago. I sat at the spot where the merry-go-round was; that was our favorite ride. I closed my eyes and could feel the closeness of your chest pressing cozy against my back, arms around me, hands fastened, delicately moving to the music playing and whispering love. As I sat, I could taste the sweetness of the candy apples we enjoyed as we listened to the excitement, and laughter in those around us. Including their energies into ours; willing our high Spirits even closer, and leaving on an animated rise. As I left the grounds of where the exhibition was held, I placed a Sweet William plant from our garden there, so that the close clusters of the sweet-smelling flowers it blossoms, will forever exude the coziness of the ride on the merry-go-round, and the sweetness of the candied apples mixed with laughter in the breeze.

 

    You are needed in the mornings just before Sun is rising, breathing in the freshness of the new day together, and stretching to the sounds of baby birds eager for their meal. A celebration! ...